How did I miss this? I have spent years allowing many, many people, who do not have my best interests in mind, to live rent free in my head. Why did I ever think this was a productive, let alone fruitful, way to live my life?

I have twisted myself into knots imagining conversations that have never happened in which I finally say what I meant to say or never said the stupid thing that came out of my mouth. Imagining the reactions, the further discord or, rarely, the reconciliation.

I say rarely because these imaginings invariably would lead to catastrophizing the situation making uncomfortable moments tragic and embarrassing ones irredeemable.

Finally, a snippet of a message from a highly regarded thinker mixed with years of prayer and the always painful process of maturity has led me to the realization that the time I have left will be much more wisely used pursuing the purpose for which I’ve been put on this Earth.

Not that I won’t still pray for my loved ones or show kindness where I can. I believe this realization actually frees me up to do more, not less, because my time won’t be wasted imagining, reacting to or being defeated by conversations that only ever exist in my worried mind.

So here’s to minding my own business. Something my mom probably tried to teach me fifty years ago. I get it now, I think.